The Amazing Adventures of Frank Episode 3.2

THE RESTAURANT

*CREAK* *CREAK*
[Frank] Hmmm, this chair’s a little on the creaky side.
[Waiter] If sir would only remove the handbrake it would improved matters greatly.
[Frank] Yikes! Where the foetid sporran did you pop up from?
[Waiter] The foetid sporran, sir?
[Frank] That doesn’t surprise me.
[Waiter] But, I did, sir, you ejaculated ‘Yikes!’, sir.
*CHOKE* *GARGLE* *HACKING COUGH*
[Frank] Ye gads, old fluff, don’t say things like that when I’m drinking out of the flower vase!
[Waiter] Of course, sir. Take this, sir.
[Frank] It’s a photo of a garden shed!
[Waiter] No sir, it’s a photo of a photo of a garden shed, sir.
[Frank] That’s a relief, you had me worried there, overdressed walnut whip.
[Waiter] Your order, sir?
[Frank] No, it’s a photo of a photo of a garden shed. I know ‘cos you just told me so.
[Waiter] Please, turn it over sir.
[Frank] What the shed?
[Waiter] No, the photo of a photo of the shed.
[Frank] Wow! This thing’s double-sided!
[Waiter] What will you order, sir?
[Frank] Let me see.
*CLICK*
[Frank] Argh! Turn it off! What are you doing you cotton mug?
[Waiter] You requested that you see, sir. I merely used my flashlight to cast further illumination. Sir.
[Frank] Well now I can see green and purple spots.
[Waiter] Many apologies, sir. My trousers had fallen down, sir. I’m wearing my lucky y-fronts today. Sir.
[Frank] Why?
[Waiter] My unlucky ones are in the wash, sir.
[Frank] —
[Waiter] Your order. Sir?
[Frank] I’ll have whatever’s dead and edible please, o smarmy salad dressing.
[Waiter] Ah, our chef’s speciality, sir. I won’t be a moment.
[Frank] Thank goodness he’s gone, I’ve had enough of his Condescending banter.
[Condescending Banter] I’m still here, you know.
[Frank] Great googley moogley!
[Condescending Banter] What?
[Frank] Nothing, I just crossed my legs and crushed, well, myself between my tender thighs.
[Condescending Banter] Why?
[Frank] I confess you did somewhat startle me with your total and utter existance.
[Condescending Banter] And so startled you decided it would be in your best interest to participate in some nutcraking?
[Frank] Well it did distract me from the anthropomorphic personification of being talked down to suddenly appearing in my midst.
[Condescending Banter] That’s a lie! I never went anywhere near your midst you overstated plank.
[Frank] That waiter was right, you know. He clearly won’t be a moment.
[Condescending Banter] He’ll be quite a long time.
[Frank] Why?
[Condescending Banter] He ceased to exist the moment I left him.
[Frank] That’s unfortunate. His underwear clearly doesn’t work, then.
[Condescending Banter] No, they work just fine. He’s just got them mixed up is all.
[Frank] I’ll just go and give my order to the chef myself.
[Condescending Banter] You’ll be lucky.
[Frank] I know, I’m wearing the correct underpants.
[Condescending Banter] No, I mean the chef died three days ago.
[Frank] But the waiter went off to get my order.
[Condescending Banter] Yup, dead and edible and happens to be the chef’s speciality.
[Frank] I was going to get a plateful of dead, yet edible chef, wasn’t I?
[Condescending Banter] Yes.
[Frank] Just like yesterday.
[Condescending Banter] GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLEY!

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